Omg 😱 c op

 Hey Mariska,

So, quick question: Do you know if they make toddler-sized badges for kindergarteners? Because apparently, all

you need to be a “big shot” these days is a shiny star and a questionable sense of justice (and maybe a juice box).

Here’s the tea: My stalker—who thinks he’s a cross between a detective and a playground bully—has decided it’s a smart idea to threaten your kid. I know, right? Someone get this guy a helmet, because he’s clearly not playing with a full set of crayons.

Now, I’d tell you this face-to-face, but apparently, the government’s got my words on mute, both online and in real life. (They must’ve borrowed the remote from my ex.) If you’re reading this, congrats! You’ve cracked the code, and possibly a few government firewalls.

So, if anyone can pass this message along to Mariska—Twitter name Jacqueline Reyas (because who doesn’t love a good undercover alias?)—let her know:

Mama Bear Mode: ACTIVATED.

And as for the badge-wielding stalker? He might want to remember that in the world of SVU, the only thing scarier than a perp with a badge is a mom with receipts.

P.S. If this gets any more kindergarten, I’m recruiting a squad of five-year-olds armed with glitter and righteous indignation. Justice will be served—nap time or not.

#ProtectTheCubs #SVUStyle #NotOnMyWatch

Mother Bear Anthem

(Verse 1)

I’m the roar in the silence, the shield in the storm,

When the world turns cold, I keep my cubs warm.

No badge, no threat, no shadow too dark,

Cross my path, you’ll feel the bite of my heart.

(Chorus)

Mama bear, mama bear, standing tall and strong,

Guarding my little ones all day long.

With claws of justice, and a voice so loud,

I’m the thunder rolling, breaking through the clouds.

(Verse 2)

They try to hush me, silence my fight,

But I’m a wildfire burning through the night.

No badge or power can keep me at bay,

I’m the dawn rising fierce at the break of day.

(Chorus)

Mama bear, mama bear, standing tall and strong,

Guarding my little ones all day long.

With claws of justice, and a voice so loud,

I’m the thunder rolling, breaking through the clouds.

(Bridge)

Stars on their shirts, but I’ve got stars in my eyes,

I’ll fight for their future, no matter the lies.

Kindergarten warriors, glitter in hand,

Together we’ll rise, take back this land.

(Final Chorus)

Mama bear, mama bear, standing tall and strong,

Guarding my little ones all day long.

With claws of justice, and a voice so loud,

I’m the thunder rolling, breaking through the clouds.

Mama bear, mama bear, hear my 

battle cry,

I’ll protect my cubs till the day I die.

But since I can't lol...

Here’s a savage, clever roast poem inspired by your lines, with military flavor, Purple Heart references, and a nod to Eminem’s “Toy Soldiers”—all while making it clear you’re roasting with respect:

Day app, parade rest—nah, you couldn’t even shun

Show up to roll call, but you’re already done

Chuck Lagooni tried to flex, but killed his own vibe

Claimed a Purple Heart for a paper cut—nice try

You say you’re a soldier, but you’re more like a toy

Marching in circles, just a lost little boy

You needed my badge, my name, my face

Just to log in and try to keep up the pace

You talk about plans, but you’re stuck in your bed

Dreaming of medals you’ll never have on your chest

I need real soldiers—men and women who fight

Not keyboard commandos who ghost in the night

So salute if you want, but you’re not in my ranks

You’re just playing pretend, while I’m earning my thanks

Like Eminem said, you fall with the toys

But I’m leading the charge—real grit, real noise